


the belonging you seek is not behind you-it is ahead

by DisplacedWarrior



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Vasquez and Wife, nb!vasquez, pre-director sanvers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 00:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11817834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisplacedWarrior/pseuds/DisplacedWarrior
Summary: Post 2.06 - AUAfter Alex fails to get the girl her friends help her pick up the pieces.Basically just an excuse to write Alex & Vasquez brotp, Vasquez and Wife otp and yet another take on how director sanvers gets together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NerdsbianHokie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdsbianHokie/gifts).



> This is a b-day gift for [nerdsbianhokie](http://nerdsbianhokie.tumblr.com/) who incedently is also co-responsible for the creation of Vasquez’s wife Erin (Picture Gugu Mbatha-Raw if you'd like to imagine her as we do. )
> 
> Happy Birthday, Babe!!!!

Vasquez takes a deep breath as they stride down the hallway. Something was spooking the majority of the agents but they all refused to give voice to their fear lest they summon it’s presence.

At least that’s what Vasquez had gathered considering they hadn’t been able to get any kind of answer out of anyone, even J’onn was being cagey.

The Director was studiously avoiding the senior level training room which was what really put the whole thing into perspective, Vasquez mused.

The corridor to said training room was conspicuously empty and Vasquez could see agents scurrying overhead opting to go up and around several flights of stairs to avoid passing the room’s door.

Vasquez could just make out muffled strains of...showtunes?...what…. coming from behind the closed supposedly _sound proof_ wall.

They approached the door cautiously not entirely sure what to expect on the other side but committed to finding out because if one more person spilled something on their console Vasquez would not be held accountable for their actions.

How was a top secret last line of defense, paramilitary organization supposed to run at peak efficiency if nearly the entire staff was on edge.

_You have been trained for literally_ **_anything_ ** _you got this._ Vasquez thought, bouncing slightly on their toes psyching themself up. Vasquez purposefully pushes open the door taking a few powerful steps inside and halting just as quickly.

Oh, well fuck, this was significantly worse than Vasquez thought. It was suddenly apparent why everyone was avoiding this place like the plague.

The sight of Agent Danvers in one of the training room’s was practically a staple at the D.E.O. If she wasn’t in her lab or on an op chances were she could be found keeping her various skills sharp.

This was decidedly not that.

Vasquez was forced to mentally pull up the base’s internal regulatory schematics because they were fairly certain the environmental controls did not have a haywire setting and yet…

Vasquez finds themself blinking against the sudden onslaught of rain being whipped around by winds far stronger than those currently blowing outside…..or during National City’s last hurricane warning.

The music is just as deafening as one would imagine it to be if heard from outside a sound proofed room.

_And I wish you all the love in the world, But most of all, I wish it from myself.And the songbirds keep singing, Like they know the score, And I love you, I love you, I love you, Like never before, like never before._

The melody is the only calm in the room which only heightens the surrealism. 

The soft strains of the piano can still be heard over the din of wind and rain. Making Vasquez genuinely concerned about the possibility of permanent hearing loss.

All of the lights are flashing in a nauseating kaleidoscope that makes Vasquez grateful they’re not epileptic.   

They dodge to the side on instinct and Vasquez turns just in time to see an empty energy drink can crash into the wall. It crumples on impact and drops to the ground, far from the only one bouncing around the room or rattling across the floor.

Vasquez rubs at their face, there was something gritty in the air or the rain almost like- ah sand Vasquez concludes spotting not one but two punching bags damaged beyond repair, one still steadily leaking sand from the ripped seams and the other an empty husk whirling in dizzying circles.

Alex stands in the middle of it all pounding away on a heavy bag that looked like it was about to join it’s fallen brethren.

Alex’s hair was plastered to her skull and she was dressed in only a sports bra and pair of spandex shorts despite the rapidly freezing temperature of the room.

Which it was a sauna in here less than two minutes ago what the fuck had Alex done to achieve this?

This particular room should not be equipped for extreme weather condition training, hell this building shouldn’t be equipped for it. They used the desert base when training new recruits for a reason.

Vasquez trudges through the room to the the control panel swearing when their access code is overridden. They try circumventing the necessary clearance but the console just beeps and Vasquez is actually a bit impressed because they don’t even think that J’onn’s director code would work.

After this is all over they’re going to have to have a serious conversation with Alex about mucking around with internal security measures but for now Vasquez just pops the panel interface off reaching in to disconnect and reconnect a handful of wires.

A few minutes later they cut off all power to the room leaving only the auxiliary lighting.

The sudden silence is even more deafening than the prior cacophony, broken only by Alex’s continued blows to the bag as if she hadn’t noticed the change of atmosphere.

It concerns Vasquez even more than the mayhem.

“Alex?” Their voice is low but Vasquez winces at how loud it sounds in the sudden silence.

The flurry of punches don’t stop and Alex throws in a vicious knee strike, certainly not the first if the bruising starting to show is any indication.

Vasquez takes a deep breath moving slowly not willing to take Alex Danvers by surprise on a good day let alone whatever this is.

“Alex.” Still nothing.

Wait, the barrage on the heavy bag increases and Vasquez knows that Alex heard them.

“Agent Danvers!” Alex snaps to attention before she realizes what she’s doing, ingrained muscle memory overriding everything else. She catches herself less than a second later and just collapses to the floor like a puppet with severed strings.

Vasquez approaches cautiously and releases a relieved breath when Alex flops onto her back and heaves out an exaggerated groan.

Taking that as good sign Vasquez moves with more surety closer to Alex. When they're within distance Vasquez gently toes Alex's leg with their boot.

“You alive down there dude?” Vasquez's flippant words are belied by the undercurrent of concern in their voice.

It's silent for a moment and Vasquez isn't even certain Alex will answer them. They definitely couldn't have prepared themself for Alex's eventual words anyway.

“You have a _wife_!”

“Oh huh I was wondering why I was in possession of a wedding ring, that’s a relief.” Is Vasquez's immediate reply despite the furrowed brow of confusion.

“I’m serious V.”

“Well you’re something, if what I walked in on earlier was any indication.” but Alex didn’t seem to hear them.

“You’re married. To a _woman_.”

Vasquez couldn’t keep their eyebrows from raising, “You have dinner with us at least once every two weeks Alex. What’s going on? You’re freaking me out. And I wasn't even phased when our transport was besieged by _Reavers_ .”

“That's the plot to an episode of firefly. “

“The point remains.” Vasquez replies a bit disgruntled that Alex wouldn’t play along. What even was the point of working in a secret alien hunting branch of the government..

Alex props herself up on her elbows staring at Vasquez with with possibly the most intense gaze they’ve ever been subjected to. Vasquez fights the impulse to squirm preferring to retain what little dignity they’ve held onto outside of the DEO during their friendship with Alex. The one consolation being non-work Alex was on fairly equal footing there.

 “You could've told me I was a lesbian.” It’s difficult to say which of the two looks more surprised by the statement.

 “I….what…” that was not at all what Vasquez expected to accompany that look.

 Alex flops back with another whiny groan. “This is entirely your fault.”

 “My fault” Vasquez repeats blankly.

 “Yes. Your fault,” Alex hooks an arm over her eyes “you're married to a woman, you've known you like girls practically your entire life, you figured out your gender stuff ages ago. If you just told me I wasn't straight I might've avoided this whole mess.” Alex mumbles the last part but Vasquez catches it anyway.

 Inside Vasquez is bouncing up and down like a kid after too many pixie sticks but outside they keep a cool countenance. Settling down on the floor cross-legged next to Alex they use their unconditionally supportive voice that's usually reserved for Erin,“Do you wanna talk about it?”

 “No.” Alex waves a hand at nothing. “Yes. Maybe…” Alex groans again pushing into seated position.

“Yes-I...maybe not here. I just….it’s hard.” Alex chokes out picking at the floor.

She finally looks at Vasquez and there's a whole new kind of intensity burning in her eyes. “I'm a scientist for Rao’s sake, I'm friends with you, How could I have not figured this out sooner?”

Vasquez's heart breaks a little at the familiar despair in Alex's voice.

There was no one singular queer experience but that tone...Vasquez had heard that tone in people across the board. Gender, sexuality, race, age, it didn't matter. On dark days it sometimes seemed like was pain was the one true unifier among them.

Vasquez vowed to make sure today wasn't a dark day.

“These things don't have a timetable, Alex.”

“Apparently they do if you want to get the girl.” Alex mutters bitterly.

Vasquez can feel their eyebrows disappear beneath their bangs the pieces starting to fall into place.

“Okay, up.”Vasquez commands lightly, “we're taking the day.”

They cut off the impending protest before Alex can give voice to it.

“Trust me, it’s in the organization's best interest to get you off site right now.” They ignore Alex's affronted look. “At this point I'm pretty sure J'onn would pay you to leave if he thought it would work so let's go, we’re starting the weekend early.”

Alex looks like she's gearing up for an argument but Vasquez heads her off, “Don’t make me tell Pam about the ‘dibs stash’ of weaponry you keep in the floor under the spectrometer in your lab.”

Alex stops short, “You wouldn’t dare.”

Vasquez folds their arms determinedly, “Desperate times my prickly friend, desperate times.”

Alex’s eyes narrow but there's something else lurking just beneath the surface and Vasquez realizes despite what they walked in on just how much Alex is grappling with not breaking down.

Alex stalks off to the locker room and Vasquez takes the opportunity to send off a quick text to their wife,

_babe can u pick up a toaster on ur way home frm work_

_Ours was in one piece when I left this morning…. after you which can only mean...who?!_

_let’s just say lucy will b v upset the toaster isn’t going to her.._

_Omg! Alex?!?!??!_

_yea but I think I’m going to have to deliver it with words_

_Oh no! Not good?_

_not entirely sure what happened but she was listening to glee. dragging her home now to figure it out_

_Alex? Alex Danvers? your intense 2nd in command…..brought explosives to a potluck….almost shot the car radio when their version of ‘don’t stop believing’ came on for 4th time in as many station switches...that Alex?was...listening to Glee?_

_I mean they were fireworks but yes, dear_

_On purpose?_

_so it wd seem_

_…….I’m taking half a day, I’ll meet you at home with provisions._

_have I told you I love you today_

_Once or twice_

_well I love you. see u at home babe_

Vasquez tucks their phone back into their pocket with a smile and heads towards the locker room to make sure Alex wasn't going to make a break for it.

They pause just outside the door to school their features into something more appropriate for the situation, mainly wiping off the giddy smile talking to their wife always puts on their face.

Before slipping the phone back into their pocket Vasquez pulls up a different conversation, finger hovering just over the keypad.

Vasquez knows it isn't their place to say anything, even Erin with her penchant for matchmaking would agree.

Bets will hold and it’s up to Alex to choose her own support system. Except if left to her own devices Alex won't.

Vasquez also doesn’t want to spook Alex back into her questionable coping methods. Still they think Alex could use more people in her corner.

Vasquez compromises by shooting Lucy an invite to maybe hang out later.

They know Lucy is working a late shift which should be plenty of time to let Alex sort through some stuff before easing into the more just being there for her portion of the the night. Plus it should leave enough room for the option to cancel if Alex isn't in the mood for company later.

When it’s been five minutes and Alex still hasn’t surfaced Vasquez pushes through to locker room hoping Alex hasn’t crawled through the vents to escape into the bottom of a bottle.

Only to find Alex half changed on a bench and glaring at the flannel in her hands like it was one of the hotshot potential recruits hitting on her.

It takes everything in Vasquez not to laugh when they connect the dots.

“You stare at that any harder and the shirt's gunna ignite, heat vision or no.”

Alex snaps out of it but still looks decidedly annoyed. “I'd ask if you knew how much fuckin’ _flannel_ and _plaid_ I owned but you do and we're back to this being your fault.”

“If you say so Ma’am.”

“V do not make me explain to your wife why you have a black eye.” Vasquez smirks but chooses to stay silent and just physically drag Alex to the parking garage.

She puts up only token resistance.

The ride is made mostly in silence, well without words spoken at any rate.

Alex swipes the aux cord as soon as the key turns in the ignition and Vasquez feels like they're back in their parents’ basement trying to talk to their younger sister during her teen angst phase.

When they pull up to the drive Alex slinks out of the car before it's properly parked.

Vasquez rolls their eyes at their friend's dramatics.

 They park a little quicker than they might usually, concern for their liquor cabinet overriding their off the clock commitment to vehicular safety.

 But when Vasquez gets inside they find their stash remains untouched. There's no Alex in the kitchen and she's not in the bathroom or the backyard.

It takes all the willpower they possess not to snap a picture of Alex when they see where she _is_ curled up next to Moose their aptly named bear of an Irish Wolfhound .

Vasquez is sure when Alex buried her face in moose's neck seeking comfort from the gentle giant it was just the two of them but the other animals, no doubt sensing Alex's inner turmoil piled on as well and now Vasquez can hardly tell where Alex even _is_ underneath all that fur.  

Spike their pitbull mix has her big head jammed into Alex's stomach. Vasquez can’t imagine that's anything resembling comfortable but they can just make out Alex's hand scratching gently behind Spike’s ears.

Vasquez wonders how Alex is managing to breath considering in addition to that Simba and Rajah are completely sprawled out and purring across her chest.

Meanwhile Todd the fox is curled around Alex's neck and Vasquez finds themself suppressing a shudder. They wish not for the first time Erin hadn't taught Todd that _neat_ little trick. The image never fails to conjure memories of her great aunt Neva and the woman's collection of furs that gave them nightmares as a kid

Copper the basset hound is curled up in the hollow of Alex's knees. Once it became clear Todd was there to stay Vasquez broke out the puppy eyes on Erin until she agreed that the fox needed a hound.

Marie, Berlioz, and Toulouse the remaining three cats are stretched out across Alex's legs purring.

Even the tortoise has crawled to the edge of Moose's bed as close to cuddling as a bulky reptile is capable of.

By all accounts the whole gang is currently snuggled up with Alex. Vasquez squints doing a quick count minus the sugar glider,  Rocky doesn't appear to be a part of the animal pile.

They're surprised the fish haven't escaped the tank to show their support as well.

That's when Rocky glides from her perch to nestle in Alex's hair.

It's also coincidently when Vasquez loses their internal battle of wills silently capturing the moment on their phone. They don't even consider sharing it, musing if you snap a pic and don’t post it on social media was it ever even taken to begin with...

With an amused shake of their head Vasquez leaves Alex alone to her pet therapy.

After pulling some dvds for the eventual movie marathon they know is gunna happen once the processing session has taken place and puttering around the kitchen for a bit they decide Alex has wallowed long enough.

Upon reentry to the den they toss a game controller at Alex's head careful to make enough noise that Alex catches it. 'so it doesn't bounce off such a hard surface and injure one of the animals’ Vasquez argues when Alex accuses them of going soft.

They fire up Tomb Raider figuring Alex could use something a bit more engaging than her preferred point and shoots.

Alex is just leaving Roth for the radio tower by the time Vasquez hears Erin's key in the lock.

They slip off the couch to the sounds of Alex cackling as another guy takes an arrow to the face, apparently there's nothing like virtual murder as a distraction. Also Alex has claimed repeatedly since starting that headshots are much more satisfying with a bow and arrow.

Vasquez refuses to even touch Alex's query of ‘do you think J'onn would let me replace my gun with a set?’

Vasquez makes their way to front hall shaking their head at the thought of Pam's face and the personalized paper work that request would generate.

Erin’s just stepped foot in the kitchen by the time they catch up with her and Vasquez  greets their wife with a peck on the cheek as they hurry to take the bags and pizza boxes from her arms.

It's quick work to stick the ice cream in the freezer, wine and beer in the fridge and everything else in the cabinets or on the counters.

And after completing the final act of placing the pizza on the stove Erin sinks into Vasquez's arms.

They stand in the kitchen soaking up the feeling of being wrapped up in each other that hasn't faded the slightest in all the years they've been together.

Vasquez leans up and still has to pull Erin down for a kiss.

When they break apart Vasquez pouts. Erin rolls her eyes more than used to her soulmate‘s antics.

Erin steps back and Vasquez has to look up into her eyes, “Meeting with the asshole bossman today?” They comment more than ask, eyeing Erin's six inch heels that were not a part of their wife’s day to day work attire unless she has to deal with the insufferable director/CEO of the museum.

“Mmhmm you know how much he hates having to look up at a woman let alone one of ‘my kind.’” Erin drawls disdainfully parroting the racist old windbag that needed to retire or die since no one was in a hurry to fire him despite several employees’ best efforts.

Vasquez is indeed aware how much the odious man hates a lot of things where their wife is concerned and wishes not for the first time they could get away with using the DEO resources to teach him a lesson.

Well they could, Alex would totally help and J’onn would look the other way. Vasquez is certain even Pam wouldn't be too harsh with the paperwork. Everyone loves Erin, their wife had an infectious warmth about her like that.

But it was Erin herself that made Vasquez promise they would let her handle it. And Vasquez would never break a promise to their wife.

“I think you just want everyone to be convinced that you're actually taller than me.” Vasquez lightly teases, despite the unyielding look in their eye and the gentle squeeze to their wife's hand. There would be time for serious discussion about the encounter later.

And maybe Erin would finally agree to some mostly above board interference to _hasten_ the man's departure from his position.

“And I think you're just mad it already worked.” Erin volleys back. She might not wear six inch heels on a daily basis but she rarely if ever left the house in anything lower than 3 inches of lift.

Vasquez gets the last word in without using any at all.

It’s Erin who reluctantly breaks the kiss some time later keeping their foreheads pressed close together, as she offers the simple explanation of, “Alex.”

Vasquez nods taking a step back but Erin pulls them in for one more soft kiss before plating the contents of a bag from the counter and heading out to the den.

Vasquez watches their wife go taking a moment to thank the universe for aligning itself in such a way that they have the privilege of having Erin in their life.

And then decides to go take a look the leaky faucet in the bathroom knowing that Alex is in the best hands.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex takes one look at Erin’s soft countenance and the donuts in her hand and promptly bursts into tears.

Erin quickly deposits the plate on the table in order to sweep Alex up in a hug,“Oh sweetie,it’s okay let it out.”

And Alex sobs, crying the tears she couldn't with Kara.

Kara who’s been so amazing since they ironed out that first miscommunication but who wasn't raised on earth and couldn't possibly fully understand Alex reasons.

She longs for that familiar burn to cauterize these feelings but she's sober now and the fresh sting of humiliation has turned into a dull ache of regret.

Her tears are no less heartbroken but neither are they focused on her perceived failure and the consequent humiliation.

It's grief pure and simple for everything she feels she's missed and the sudden real genuine desire for a life she never thought she'd want.

Alex cries and Erin rides out the storm with her. Eventually Alex pulls back harshly swiping at the wetness on her cheeks.

“Ugh I’m sorry I didn-kinda thought I was all cried out at this point.”

“Hey now, none of that. This is a judgement free zone and crying is good for the soul.” Erin’s voice is soothing as she reaches out to cover Alex's hands with her own before gently wiping the tears from Alex’s face.

“Ugh how do you _do_ that?”

“What?” Erin asks genuinely perplexed.

“If someone else said that to me I’d be curbing the urge to knock them the fuck out but coming from you it’s actually _comforting_. The hell.” Alex replies in a huff, folding her arms across her chest before going silent.

Erin bites back a chuckle letting the silence linger long enough for Alex to collect herself but not long enough for her to refortify her walls.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I'm gay.” Alex blurts out, almost immediately dissolving into laughter with a distinctly hysteric edge. “When my mother was my age she was happily married to my dad, I was like 3? 4? but me? I’m just now realizing that, that-How is it even- I mean….. ughh- im just….I’m gay. I’m so so gay.”

Alex’s eye shimmer but this time no actual tears fall.

Erin runs her fingers through Alex’s hair fighting back her own tears at how broken and full of wonder Alex’s voice sounds all at once. “ I know, Hun, I know.” Erin tries to soothe but Alex jerks back eyes wild.

“Oh Rao, Did everyone? Was it just some big running gag look at Alex she’s a giant lesbian but she doesn’t even know isn’t that just hyst-”

“Alex.That is not at all what I meant.”

Alex struggles to get the proper amount of air into her lungs as she trips over her apologies, “Sorry. I’m sorry-i-”

“Alex. Alex. it’s okay breathe.”

Alex breathes matching the rise and fall of her chest to Erin's until she can speak normally again.

“Right. And here I thought I was done embarrassing myself for awhile.” Alex laments, shaking her head ruefully. 

Erin quirks an eyebrow.

“I know, I know judgement free zone.” Alex holds her hands up in surrender at Erin's pointed look.

“It's funny, kind of, I always thought people were being so overdramatic when they talked about getting their hearts broken. And now here I am…..fuck- she- we weren't even together! Why does this hurt so much, Rin?”

Erin can only shake her head sadly knowing there wasn't answer for a question as old as time.

“What happened, hon?”

“I read the situation very extremely wrong, kissed her, got friendzoned.” Alex tries to shrug nonchalantly but doesn't quite manage it.

She retreats, occupying herself by playing with Copper's floppy ears.

“So…. this is about a girl?” Erin prods with a slight grin and Alex has to roll her eyes affectionately at thought of willingly engaging in ‘girl’ talk with Erin. Then she remembers the last ‘girl’ talk she had with her sister ended in her _not_ getting the girl and she folds in on herself.

Alex shrugs again, reaching over for a donut that she picks apart instead of eating. “Some of it, I guess. I mean I'm still kicking myself for being so behind the curve and worrying about disappointing my mom but the rest….yeah I guess the rest is all Maggie.”

“Maggie....the detective? Terrible pool player, likes scotch, volunteers down at the LGBTQ youth center that Maggie?” Erin thinks she see's what the problem could’ve been.

Alex buries her face in her Copper's fur, “Shit just how much do I talk about her?” Alex groans “I haven't even seen you recently.”

“And we will absolutely be addressing your little disappearing act later but wait- that means this is also ‘just broke up with her girlfriend Maggie’?”

“Seriously. I talk about her that much?!”

“Yes. Now focus.”

“Sheesh, yes the Maggie who just got dumped.”

Erin levels a look at Alex trying to will her friend to breakthrough the dense moment she was having. If only to show Alex it wasn't necessarily anyone's fault. At the very least it certainly wasn't a personal failure on Alex's part.

“What?” Alex’s asks, brow furrowed.

Erin wills herself not to facepalm considering Alex's genuine perplexment.

“Okay, let's try this, how did it feel when Maggie just wanted to be friends?” Erin asks with the patience of a customer service employee whose boss is hovering nearby.

“V successfully got me to take half a day off work and you've got my snot drying on your shirt.” Alex deadpans.

“Right, okay, do you think maybe Maggie who was in a relationship with that girl was maybe heartbroken herself and not ready to move on yet?”

Alex freezes and Erin can practically see the puzzle pieces falling into place behind her eyes.  

“Fuck. I am a complete asshole.”

“You aren't an asshole.” Vasquez chimes in entering the room and plopping down on the couch next to their wife, “You were just working with a limited data set.”

“Exactly,” Erin continues her soulmate’s train of thought, “You said as much earlier. You’ve never experienced it how could you have known?”

“It doesn’t matter if I didn’t have the experience I shouldn’t have pushed that hard and then I got all caught up in this new me discovery…. ugh it’s a wonder she still wants to be friends at all. I haven’t been a very good one to her…... _And_ she thought I was hitting on her right after her break-up when I thought I was trying to cheer her up….fuck.” Alex groans burying her face in the couch cushions.

Erin opens her mouth but closes it with a soft shake of her head. Her hand on Vasquez's arm stills their words as well.

Vasquez tilts their head in question, nodding when they translate their wife's silent communication.

As curious as they both are that sounds like a story better heard over drinks and when Alex is more liable to laugh about it instead of beating herself up more.

Vasquez shifts subtly leaning unnoticably further into Erin's side.

“Is that why she…turned you down, too soon after the breakup?” Vasquez asks with far more tact than they’re known for.

Alex’s voice is audible if muffled by the fabric she hasn’t lifted her head from. “She said that she shouldn't get involved with someone who was fresh off the boat.”

She misses the look that passes between Vasquez and Erin.

“Did she say anything else?” Erin queries, lightly elbowing Vasquez in the stomach when it looks like they’re about to unleash some of the anger flashing in their eyes.

It certainly didn’t _sound_ good but from everything Erin’s heard about the detective so far, Alex’s rose colored glasses aside, Maggie probably hadn’t meant it like it sounded or how a rejected Alex took it even.

Maggie also didn’t seem like the kind of person who would intentionally hurt Alex either.

Of course intent wasn’t always was what mattered…..

“Pretty much just that. Also everything would be shiny and heightened for me so I should experience things for myself and not to be with her because those relationships never really work out but she’d be there for me as a friend”

Erin rubs her temples trying to unpack that statement. It was a lot and Alex wasn't exactly a reliable narrator in this scenario, although Erin trusted those words were indeed verbatim thanks to Alex's memory and training.

It wasn't like she was taking Maggie's side she just wanted to help Alex as objectively as possible so she didn't unduly influence the situation. Any more than she already might've.

Vasquez had no such qualms.

“That’s bullshit.”

“Vas.” Erin chastises.

“What? it is and you know it, Alex isn’t some confused kid just because it took her a little longer than some other people to realize something about herself society is pretty insistent on stamping out anyway. This chick is clearly just scared of getting hurt again which fine but she could’ve just said that instead of making it about Alex's  'inexperience’ and framing like it’s for her own good.”

“Okay but-”

“What if that was my response when you asked me out on our first official date?”

“So you're going to play that card?”

Erin’s lips purse in an effort not to smile even when they were being a [righteous] pain in the ass Erin loved them with every fiber of her being.

“I’m serious though, what if I turned you down because you'd only ever dated men?”

“Then that would’ve have been your choice, you didn’t owe me or anyone else anything and _neither does Maggie_.”

Vasquez sighs, “I know. I didn’t mean- It's just she could’ve told Alex she didn't want her to be a rebound or that she wasn't into her like that or literally anything else that didn't make it sound like Alex being a baby gay was a problem.”

Before Erin can respond Alex’s voice breaks into the conversation.

“So you think maybe she does _like_ me and she’s just not ready to date again?” Alex questions softly and there's no disguising the hope in her voice.

Erin gives Vasquez her most unimpressed look as she watches them stutter over an non-answer suddenly realizing why their wife was trying to stem their righteous anger on behalf of their friend.

Any politics behind Maggie’s possible attempt at an easy let down, an attempt that Vasquez’s expression makes it clear they’re less than impressed with, won’t help Alex at this point. There were conversations to be had from it for sure, opinions to argued, lines to be drawn if one were so inclined but not now, not when the wounds were fresh and the story half told.

Erin jumps in,“It’s a possibility but if she said she would be there for you as a friend? Then maybe you should focus on that. If you want to of course. There's nothing that says you _have_ to be friends with her.”

Alex works her way through two donuts before she manages to voice any coherent thoughts.

“I’ve _never_ felt this way about someone before, at least not that I was aware of but Maggie is…... Maggie's incredible and I….don’t want to lose her but I can't…..I can't-” Alex's voice breaks but no fresh tears fall.

“Guys, I am so tired of crying Can I go back to shooting things for a while?”

Vasquez gets up only to turn around and flop on Alex trapping her in an obnoxious hug.

“I don't know, babe has Alex done a sufficient amount of processing?”

“V get the fuck off me.” Alex demands with the first hint of a smile in her voice as she struggles to shove Vasquez off her.

Erin rolls her her eyes but she’s laughing as she captures the moment on her phone.

“I think she has,my love. So Alex does that mean you're going to try the friends thing with Maggie then?” Erin asks as if the question is not directed at a wriggling mass that currently comprises two of her favorite idiots.

With one last powerful push Alex manages gain the upper hand toppling Vasquez to the floor. Erin offers no sympathy as Vasquez pouts up at her.

It takes a minute before Alex responds as she makes a show of fixing her appearance, “Maybe but I think it would still hurt to much to see her anytime soon…..Would avoiding her make me a terrible person?”

“Of course not, Alex.” Erin says as Vasquez shakes their head in the negative from their position on the floor.

Alex nods mostly to herself as she discreetly wipes away a few escaped tears from her eyes.

“So yeah def all talk slash cried out at the moment.” Alex declares snagging the game controller from the floor where it had fallen at some point. “ Besides I didn't get the girl but Lara _so_ can!”

Alex doesn't quite get Lara and Sam reunited by the time she calls it quits for the night in favour of watching some movies. Vasquez promises she can come over whenever she wants to finish the storyline. Alex enthusiastically accepts Vasquez’s offer going so far as to pull out her phone to set a tentative date. Vasquez catches their wife’s smile tilting their head in question but Erin subtly waves them off.

She saw the gamestop receipt for a new console and both Tomb Raider reboots but bit could be their little secret. Besides if she didn’t call attention to it she could be conveniently working late when Alex discovered the plot to _Rise of the Tomb Raider_ didn’t include Sam...

They watch _But I’m a Cheerleader_ first and Erin can tell from her friend’s facial expressions that Alex isn't exactly sure how she's supposed to feel about it.

 _D.E.B.S._ is up next because campy is the only acceptable theme of the night.


	3. Chapter 3

Lucy shows up not too long after the movie's started and chuckles as she catches the tail end of Alex's spirited rant about the field impractically of the D.E.B.S uniforms.

“But they look hot.” Lucy chimes in effectively announcing herself. 

Vasquez leans over for a fist bump her while Alex rolls her eyes but lean’s into Lucy’s side hug grateful the glow from the tv doesn't give away the redness in her cheeks from the whole exchange.

Lucy settles down in the spot next to Alex, eyeing Moose distrustfully. One of the over enthusiastic dog’s favorite pastimes was waiting until Lucy was distracted before trying to sit on her lap.

All 145 pounds of him.

The first time it happened the night ended in the emergency room.

Vasquez laughed so hard they fell off the couch and hit their head on the coffee table.

Sure enough Moose inches closer and closer until Lucy lets her guard down just a second too long.

Before Lucy can so much as flail though Alex shifts until her body is pressed into Lucy's side taking most of the dog's weight in the process.

And suddenly Lucy can't say she exactly minds Moose’s total lack of respect for her personal space.

In fact,now that Alex has started unconsciously toying with the ends of Lucy's hair with the hand that isn't stroking through Moose's fur, Lucy makes a mental note to bring the big lug some steak the next time she comes over.

The movie progresses and Alex's commentary gradually fades out altogether.

Lucy notices, watching Alex more than the movie enraptured by the way Alex is riveted by the events playing out on the screen.

So Lucy sees Alex's throat bob with barely contained emotion as she half watches the television and half watches as Vasquez goofily lip synch serenades Erin in time with the characters.

Lucy slips her hand into Alex’s intertwining their fingers. She keeps her gaze firmly fixed forward even as she feels Alex's head snap towards her gaze boring a hole in the side of her head.

Alex doesn't remove her hand though and with both of their attention channeled into not acknowledging it neither notices the smiles it brings to their faces.

When the movie ends no one comments on the fresh tear tracks adorning Alex's cheeks.

“So you guys in for another one or are we done for the night?” Vasquez asks stretching out their arms and rolling their neck.

“ _I_ need a drink.” Alex announces.

“Beer’s in the fridge, nose goes.” Vasquez yells, nearly poking out their eye in an effort to touch their nose.

Alex looks around at the assembled group all of whom are touching their noses and sporting varying degrees of shit-eating grin.

“Why am I friends with any of you weirdos?” Alex questions with a shake of her head. “I meant we should go out!.” Alex clarifies suddenly wondering if going to a gay bar or club would make a discernable difference.  Somehow despite the invites from both Vasquez and Erin as well as a few of their friends over the years Alex had never actually managed to attend any of those excursions.

“You wanna go out?” Vasquez asks skeptically knowing their friend’s typical aversion to most nightlife ‘going out' might entail since getting her life together.

“Isn't it like a right of passage or something?”

“Oh you wanna go _out!”_

Everyone in the room ignores Vasquez's exaggerated wink and the snort filled laughter at their own sense of humor.

“Yes let's do _that_!” Alex exclaims, undercutting her own enthusiasm with a poorly-concealed yawn.

“Are you sure you wouldn't rather go after a less... tiring day?” Erin checks in.

Lucy notes the the concern in Erin’s voice and studies Alex a bit more shrewdly. She see’s it then, why Erin asked. Lucy’s pretty sure all of them would be down to go out, but Alex’s eyes are still red and she can see in the line of her shoulders and sluggishness of her movements the strain from a rough day or three.

Alex tries her best puppy eyes, the ones Kara’s known for even though Alex taught her how to wield them. Unfortunately the effect is ruined by another yawn even more pronounced than the last.

That she caves from just a raised eyebrow courtesy of Erin speaks for itself.

“Fine but soon like next week at the latest soon, you guys are taking me _out.”_ She bargains, placing the same emphasis on out that Vasquez did just to watch her friend start snickering again.

“We wouldn't miss it.” Erin quickly assures flicking Vasquez lightly on the ear before wrapping her arms around their waist.

Alex's heart soars at the sight, confused she boxes up the feeling to examine at a later date.

“Yo we could totally do margarita Tuesday!” Vasquez crows. “Or Sunday brunch there's this book store/coffee shop I think you'd really love.” Vasquez bounces a little in excitement but not enough to break Erin's hold. “Ya know what we'll do both I’ll text you the address.”

Alex grins, “Sounds good V. Anyway, I should probably head home I don't even remember the last time I managed to get some actual sleep.” Alex says weariness apparent in her voice.

“I took a DEO bike over, I can give you ride home if you want?” Lucy offers graciously pretending Alex didn't startle slightly at her sudden closeness.

They say their goodbyes, Alex spending more than fifteen minutes promising the menagerie of pets she'll see them again soon until Lucy practically drags her to the door.

Alex's eyes narrow a little when they step outside and she finds her unofficial DEO ride parked out front.

She raises her eyebrow but Lucy pretends not to see it as she jams a helmet on her head.

Alex wordlessly accepts the spare Lucy holds out and Lucy’s grateful because she has no intentions of elaborating on why exactly she’d chosen Alex’s usual bike out of the entirety of the D.E.O.’s motor pool.

They’re off in no time and Alex does her best to ignore how tightly molded she is to Lucy's back.

With the exception of occasionally jumping on the moving back of another agent’s bike mid-mission Kara is the only other person she's ever ridden with besides her dad.

None of those situations have prepared her for dealing with the current feelings coursing through her body.

National City's streets fly by as they leave the gayborhood for the heart of the city.

Alex feels some of the day's tension slip away as the wind whips around her. One of her favorite things about riding is how hard it is to focus on anything but the sheer joy of it. Even without the concentration of driving that familiar rush is present.

That feeling coupled with the cool night air and the physical effect of Lucy's proximity has Alex suddenly feeling _very_ awake.

She leans forward on instinct bringing herself impossibly closer to Lucy even though both of their  D.E.O issued helmets are equipped with an internal radio system that makes yelling over the rushing wind and through the sealed visors a moot point.

“Come back to my place for a drink.”

Lucy's grateful the brisk fall air offers a convenient excuse for the shiver those words from Alex's lips sends through her.

“I thought you were tired?” Lucy's spent too many years in in the military and practicing law, sometimes at once for her voice to betray her like her body.

“Adrenaline rush, c’mon drinking alone is a problem drinking with someone else is a good time.”

Lucy rolls her eyes but steers the Ducati towards the parking garage of Alex's building instead of pulling up out front. She parks it next to Alex’s personal bike.

They dismount and Alex, apparently needing an outlet for all her newfound energy, drags a grumbling Lucy up the stairs instead of to the elevator.

Alex makes a beeline for the kitchen not even bothering to shut the door behind her while Lucy mutters, “Don't worry I got it.”

Alex tosses an absent minded, “Thanks Luce.” from her position underneath the sink.

Lucy pauses on the other side of the island. Alex's lower half gives her no clues as to why exactly she's making a ruckus.

Lucy deems asking pointless. She’ll find out eventually so she just excuses herself to the bathroom snorting when Alex's hand makes a brief appearance to wave her off.

When Lucy returns Alex is still rummaging through cabinets even though there's a bottle and a half of tequila on the table.

This time Lucy's curiosity gets the better of her, “ What are you even looking for? And I thought you were a whiskey girl?”

“For a long time I was a anything you put in front of me as long as it'd help me forget, kinda girl.” Alex replies distractedly still searching, for what Lucy doesn't know.

“Alex.” Lucy’s breathes more than says.

“Nu-uh nope. Tonight isn't for brooding, tonight is for fun. Aha found it!” Alex says spinning around and brandishing a bottle.

Lucy takes one look at what she quickly identifies as genuine absinthe and promptly snatches it out of Alex's hand.

“No fuckin’ way hotshot. I don't know exactly what is up but I do know that tonight is NOT an absinthe night.”

Before Alex can react Lucy cuts her off, “And don't even think about pouting. Here.” Lucy cracks open the other bottle and pours them both a tequila shot in the glasses Alex produced alongside the absinthe.

Alex stares at the drink and Lucy's determined face and shrugs downing the shot. Lucy follows suit but squints suspiciously at Alex's easy agreement.

Alex turns to get a few additional shot glasses and Lucy grabs the absinthe scrambling to find a place to hide it. She ends up stashing it in one of Alex’s plants just to be safe.

Alex pours them each two more shots and Lucy holds her breath waiting to see if Alex notices the suddenly missing bottle. She doesn't just pushes Lucy's glasses over to her raising her own in a cheers motion. Lucy copies the action taking her shots as Alex wanders off to crank up the radio.

Three shots in they both need more shots.

Five shots in and Alex's living room turns into a club dance floor.

Eight shots in and Alex bursts into tears when _Shut_ _Up and Dance_ comes on over the speakers.

A glass of water and nine shots later Lucy gets a rambling, drunken and therefore incredibly detailed if a little hard to follow play by play of the 'Sanvers’ story.

Ten shots and Lucy admits she thought the two of them had started dating after things from Myriad settled.

Twelve shots in and they're trying to decide if their couple name would be Lanvers or Dane.

Fourteen shots has Alex trying to convince her neighbor to judge an impromptu push up competition.

The door gets shut in their faces.

They try in the hallway outside the poor woman's door anyway.

And then the second bottle is almost gone and neither one of them could say how exactly they ended up doing body shots.

It's a little hazy but Lucy is pretty sure it had something to do with who's abs were better after there was no clear winner of their pushup competition.

One minute Lucy’s tongue is tracing a path of salt from from the jut of Alex’s hipbone to valley between her breasts and the next Alex has Lucy shoved up against the fridge kissing her hard.

At some point Lucy flips their position pinning Alex to the counter. They make-out for what seems like hours before Lucy’s brain pushes through the haze of alcohol.

She manages to tear herself away from the kiss.

“Not like this, Alex.”

And Alex is suddenly reliving a worst nightmare she’d never considered until only a few days prior. 'We’re just in really different places’ echoing in her head.

Lucy tries hold onto Alex but she scrambles backwards.

Lucy says, “Alex, please.” But what Alex hears is “I’m here for you. but as a friend.”

Lucy catches her before she can lock herself in the bathroom drawing an inconsolable Alex into a hug. They sink to the floor alcohol rendering Alex incapable of rational thought or proportional reaction.

They pass out there in a pile shortly after Alex's sobs have quieted to a few hiccups.  

At some point still clinging to each other and barely awake they stumble to the few steps to the bed landing in a drunken heap.


	4. Chapter 4

The morning light is harsh but the closed blinds shield Alex from the worst of the sun's rays.

She doesn't even remember doing that last night but she pats past drunk her on the back for the foresight.

Let it never be said Alex Danvers doesn't learn from her mistakes.

Well maybe not _all_ of her mistakes.

Alex starts to curl into fetal position in a futile attempt to stave off the worst of her stomach cramps.Only she’s prevented by the warm _half naked_ body snuggled up next to her own.

When that reality registers Alex shoots up so fast she falls out of bed, clutching her head and groaning from the pain the swift action brings.

“Keep it down, agent.” Lucy growls. Her voice sounding as rough as Alex feels.

And if Alex's stomach flips at the sound it’s too early and she's too hungover to credit it to anything besides another consequence of her over indulgence.

“Did we- what happened last night?” Alex voices, even as memories of the night start flooding back to her in high definition.

Alex’s too caught up in said memories to notice as Lucy pops one eye open, then the other abandoning her futile quest to remain sleeping.

Lucy slowly props herself up on one arm hoping the move looks seductive instead like she's fighting off the wave of nausea that engulfs her.

Alex doesn’t notice her plight because she’s suddenly face to well chest. Lucy’s chest. Lucy’s _bare_ chest.

When Alex finally harnesses enough willpower to tear her eyes away bringing them back to Lucy’s face. She almost wishes she hadn’t because Lucy rakes her eyes over Alex who can feel her cheeks getting hot. A bit of a genuine smile peeks out through Lucy’s smirk at the sight of Alex’s messy bedhead and reddening cheeks before she manages to smother it channeling an overall less wholesome persona.  

“Why Alexandra, are you asking if we _slept_ together?” Lucy gasps clutching the nearest sheets to her chest dramatically.

Alex scowls but Lucy continues, dropping the sheets and leaning forward.

“Because I promise, if we had you wouldn't have to ask.” Lucy adds attempting to wink but not quite succeeding as her eyelids stick together a beat too long.

Alex sputters anyway. Her inability to speak is harder to attribute to her hangover than her suddenly dry mouth.

She’s saved from having to respond by a sudden rustling from the window.

And is immediately faced with a problem of an entirely different variety.

“Don't worry, I got this under control.” Comes the determined voice of her little sister from just outside.

“Kara!” Alex barely manages not to yelp as she scrambles to toss on some actual clothes. She chucks a sweatshirt at Lucy's head with the hand that isn't buttoning her pants.

It hits Lucy in the face, the fabric luckily enough to muffle her indignant squeak. She grabs it but makes no effort to put it on as she glares at Alex.

Kara, who steps into the apartment at that moment wearing her super suit and carrying a mountain of take-out, misses the entire exchange.She drops the food on the table and Alex thanks Rao for her sister's single minded focus on food at times

Because Kara turns immediately towards the cabinets for plates. She's been chattering since landing on the balcony, something about another article on Lena Luthor but hasn't once turned towards the bed. Alex takes advantage of that by making frantic gestures at Lucy to just put on the fucking shirt.

Alex steps off the platform that houses her bed and into Kara's approximate line of sight to block Lucy from view.

“Is that coffee from _Peet’s_?” Alex asks rhetorically, eyeing the unique geometric patterns on the cup. “You are my favorite sister.”

“I'm your only sister.” Kara responds automatically as she spins around faltering slightly when she spots they aren't alone.

“And Lucy? Hi?” Kara's confusion is apparent but her face still lights up at the sight of her friend.

“Morning Kara, anything in there for me?” Lucy jokes but Kara's gone before she finishes the sentence. “Was it something I said?” Lucy asks wryly. Alex shakes her head with a grin having a pretty good idea where Kara just disappeared to.

Alex and Lucy spend a few minutes just staring at each other. Alex not even realizing it until Lucy quirks an eyebrow at which point Alex hastily excuses herself to the bathroom.

She’s barely in there long enough to work herself up into a proper panic when she hears Kara return.

J’onn taught her some meditation techniques which is how she finds herself sitting on the toilet doing deep breathing exercises to keep from spiraling because she kissed Lucy Lane.

She _kissed_ Lucy.

Alex thinks she might even _like_ Lucy but her heart is still a seeping wound.She _thinks_ she might like Lucy but she _knows_ just how much she likes Maggie.

Maggie who doesn’t want her and Lucy who is a complete enigma to her at that moment.

So Alex deigns her only option is trying to center herself because it’s just all too much before her morning coffee.

She eventually steps out of the bathroom and Lucy swivels her chair to inform Alex, “I’ve adopted Kara. She brought me coffee from _Columbia Heights i_ n D.C. _and_ breakfast from _Andy’s._ I don’t miss being a cadet but I did miss _Andy’s_ . You know I’d swear I'd only mentioned either those places _maybe_ once in passing”

Alex shakes her head fondly. “Kara never forgets anything when it comes to food.

Kara bobs her head in agreement, “Ish mah besht skiill.”

“Well I'm so not complaining.” Lucy mumbles around her own mouthful of bacon.

Alex rolls her eyes but there’s barest hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth easily caught by those who know her well.

Alex takes a seat, snagging Lucy’s coffee cup instead of her own. She only just manages not to spit it out, “What the hell Lane! I thought you respected the sanctity of coffee. _That_ is water.”

Lucy grabs her cup back and take a long sip maintaining eye contact with Alex the entire time, “I don’t know tastes like sanctuary to me.”

“I think maybe you have to actually _be_ there to truly appreciate it.” Kara chimes in.

“I have to be in a coffee shop to appreciate coffee that tastes like water?” Alex asks skeptically.

“Look, it was a place a I could pretty much guarantee a reprieve from the angry, old white I had to constantly deal with. Plus it reminded me of this little cafe I used to do sneak out to do homework in, in Turkey.”

“Okay I get the sentiment but I still don’t see how that makes up for the lack of caffeine.”

“It’s plenty of caffeine if you drink like five. And I didn't go to jail for murder so it was win-win.”

“You’d drink _five_ of those...voluntarily for your caffeine fix?” Alex asks completely aghast.

“I’m army I’ve drank far worse.”

“Whatever you say Luce, I’ll be over here enjoying my real coffee.” Alex says, finally wrapping her hands around her own cup.

She groans as she takes the first sip savoring as the taste almost instantly transports her back to Stanford’s campus.

“You know I’m still pretty sure the barista thinks I’m like, some kind of ghost med student.” Kara comments mostly to Alex.

Alex snorts. “You tip too well for that to be true but maybe you should ease up on the disappearing act anyway.”

Kara’s mouth is full of food again and Alex is grateful her sister only nods this time instead of speaking.

Alex continues enjoying her coffee not even trying to get her hands on any food. She’s learned the game by now. And this morning she’s pretty much forfeited her right to whatever food Kara brought her simply by virtue of not immediately being present to snag it thereby letting Kara’s super appetite consume it.

It’s fine though, her coffee is laced with enough nostalgia that she doesn't mind as much even as her stomach chooses that exact moment to growl.

Lucy slides over the plate she'd apparently been guarding with a smirk. Alex blinks in surprise more than used to not eating if she wasn't quick enough to claim food herself.

She starts eating in a bit of a daze but doesn't miss the way Kara sheepishly swallows her mouthful of food.

A few bites later and Kara’s shoulder starts blaring _For the girl who has everything._ Lucy and Alex exchange a glance before fixing their attention on a fumbling Kara whose face currently matches her cape.

It's a few more seconds of the song playing before Kara manages to free it from the hidden pocket. She mumbles something that Alex doesn't quite catch and there’s no time to clarify because with a burst of superspeed Kara has hugged Lucy, then Alex and then cleaned up her food before disappearing in a gust of wind before the phone even stopped ringing.

Alex can do nothing but sigh at the mess her sister’s tiny tornado left in its wake. She completely ignores the dirt on the floor from her houseplants, spares the briefest thought for why her absinth is in one of her planters and goes back to eating her thankfully undisturbed omelette.

It’s not that she doesn’t want to know what the _hell_ that was about. Truly she does it’s just she decides that it is very much an interrogation for another day.

Now thanks to Kara’s quick departure it's just the two of them again. Lucy’s grumbling about leaves in her bacon but despite the levity there’s tension rising in the air.

Alex does her best to ignore it. The effects of the last few days are still lingering and she needs to not be worried about anything new.

She turns pleading eyes on Lucy, “Can we spend the day pretending the world doesn't exist.”

Lucy cocks her head to the side and Alex has to shove down a pang at the gesture she's come to associate with Maggie.

“Do we need to talk about last night?” Lucy asks.

Alex regards her seriously as she contemplates her answer, “Yeah, probably. But tomorrow?”

Lucy looks away but one corner of her mouth twitches upward slightly. She opens her mouth to vocalize something when Alex suddenly cuts her off, “ but we _never_ speak of the portmanteau conversation to anyone, _ever._ ”

Lucy shudders, mouthing ‘Lanvers’ in disgust.

“Agreed.” Lucy assures.”So what do you want to do then today hotshot?”

Alex grins.

They watch Star Wars in chronological order.

It was a bit of a battle, one that surprised Alex who planned to watch in machete order. She knows Lucy’s seen them but she wasn’t quite expecting such a passionate defense of the prequels she usually pretends mostly don’t exist.

Alex was fully prepared to dig her heels in on sheer principle until Lucy points out that the entire point of Machete Order was to refocus the overall story onto Luke and his journey. The simple comment causes Alex to step back and reevaluate her entire life. She has no plans to change her opinion on the prequels and tells Lucy as much but she concedes to trying it Lucy’s way.

The surprises don’t stop coming as Alex learns far more than expected about Lucy during the course of their viewings.

Things like _A New Hope_ was the first movie Lucy consciously remembers seeing and how she still has that exact copy the one that was already battered when it still belonged to her dad, in addition to all the other original VHS tapes among her possessions.

How she’d seen all of the prequels in theaters opening night no matter what continent she was on. And how she would absolutely use (or waste depending on who you asked) a time machine to go back and see Episode IV opening night as well.

It isn’t just surface tidbits either it’s how enamored younger Lucy was with Padame simultaneously Queen of Naboo and teenage girl. How as much as much Lucy loves Leia she hates that _A New Hope_ kicked off with Princess Leia ‘needing’ to be rescued.

Alex doubles over in laughter when Lucy recounts the fight she got into as a kid that ended up with her punching some boy because he said she was dumb for thinking Leia could’ve saved herself or been force sensitive because girls were too weak.  

The rest Alex pieces together from a mix of observation, scattered commentary and good old fashioned intuition with more poetry than she thought herself capable of.

She pulls Lucy tight against her body when Lucy softly admits to how much of herself she saw in Anakin growing up.

Because there was no threat of intergalactic war but every conversation with her dad felt like a battle, she wasn’t the recipient of any cryptic prophesy but she constantly heard how she could be as great as Lois if she only tried, she didn’t have to fight space ninjas but her father’s expectations to be seen and not heard, to kiss brass and make him look good were just as deadly.

If she had a nickel for every time he said ‘And for the love of God Lucy don’t you dare say a word about human rights violations in the area’ the donations could have changed lives. She and Anakin both knew the struggle of being constantly dismissed, silenced and forced into obedience. Until Anakin snapped and Lucy watched hovering on the edge of turning to the darkside herself saw him find the light after everything he’d done and choose hope.

They stay like that cuddled together long after the emotional moment has passed.

Before starting up _Revenge of the Sith_ thet take a brief reprieve to order lunch from _Samia’s_ Lucy's favorite Mediterranean place.

They both check their phones but neither comment on the suspicious lack of contact from the D.E.O.. Alex types up a quick text checking in with J’onn but all she receives in response is an e-mail attachment from Pam with every single accumulated vacation and sick day she’s refused to use even whilst injured highlighted.

The shut blinds and drawn curtains create an illusion of timelessness as the last of the prequels give way to the original trilogy. Alex will always maintain her status as a prequel denier but she was touched all the same seeing them through Lucy’s eyes.

Sleep claims Alex first, halfway through _Return of the Jedi_ and alone in the apartment Lucy doesn't even pretend she isn’t watching Alex more than the tv.

With only one movie left to complete the full marathon Lucy shrugs and pops in _The Force Awakens._ She falls asleep less than mid way through.

When Lucy wakes up the title screen is flashing and her phone tells her it's two in the morning.

She's managed to drape the entirety of her body over Alex's while she slept and it’s slow going carefully untangling herself so as not to  not to wake Alex up. Lucy isn’t sure if she should to leave the apartment or just go back to sleep on the other side of the couch.

Lucy checks her phone and sees a text from Vasquez.

_hrd frm an indestructible birdie ur shacked up w our fav secret gaygent...get it!!! I’m holding dwn the fort here. U bttr b @ brunch w deets._

_Is that why I haven't been paged to handle anything despite being on-call?_

_no?_

_Thanks V. I owe you one. We’ll see you tomorrow._

_alrdy making plans as a couple damn u move fast Lane._

_Shut up asshole._

_0:)_

Lucy places her phone down on the table surveying a still slumbering Alex.

Lucy is still debating what to do yet but figures Alex should sleep in her actual bed so Lucy takes it upon herself to shepherd her over to it.

Lucy manages to get Alex up and mostly walking on her own, cursing as their height difference makes things a little awkward.

At least it isn't far Lucy thinks as she deposits Alex onto the mattress.

When she tries to take a step back Alex’s hand reaches out. Lucy fails at not melting as Alex eyes still closed tries to find her. When Alex's hand does make contact it lands on Lucy’s hip

Alex mumbles, “Stay” and Lucy curses herself for inability to resist doing just that.

Lucy slips into the opposite side of the bed but Alex rolls over almost immediately seeking Lucy out in her sleep.

Lucy stifles a groan, sleep would not come easy for her tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

Alex wakes, her internal clock informing her it’s probably somewhere around seven in the morning despite the fact that her apartment is still cut off from informative sunlight.

There’s warmth radiating from her back far too small to be Kara and that’s when Alex remembers that Lucy is here. Still.

And that talking is a thing that should probably happen before brunch with Vasquez and Erin.

She takes her time extricating herself from Lucy’s death grip making every effort to not wake her up.

Her phone is still on the table near the couch and she grabs it to charge as she makes her way to the kitchen. She has no new messages with the exception of some dogs Kara ran into after an aborted bank robbery.

Despite J’onns ‘response’ yesterday the lack of contact makes Alex a bit uneasy. She texts Winn and receives a status report that basically amounts to ‘I was so bored I tried to update the D.E.O.’s operating systems and am now trying to hide from Vasquez.’

Alex sends Vasquez a text to not traumatize Winn too badly and receives a devil emoji in response.

At least she can say she tried.

There's no Kara to bring breakfast this morning so Alex fires up her coffee maker. The fridge is pretty much empty so she figures they can hold out until brunch. Or she can at least she isn’t sure how exactly this conversation with Lucy is going to go.

Speaking of whom the aroma of [good] coffee rouses Lucy from her slumber and has her shuffling across the room to the island.  

Alex places a cup in front of Lucy snickering when she practically falls into it.

How are you more of a morning person hungover than sober?” Alex asks with her eyes fixed on Lucy’s face.

Lucy just grunts in response.

Alex doesn’t take it personally just fixes herself another cup of coffee and goes back to staring at Lucy waiting for a sign that the other woman has joined the land of the living.

The second she sees Lucy rise from her slump she launches head first into the conversation unable to handle dragging it out for any longer.

“So about the other night-

Lucy doesn’t even blink at the abrupt change of subject as she cuts Alex off, “It wasn't the alcohol. And if _was_ just the alcohol for you? I respect that. I love being your friend and we can just….pretend it never happened but after your-I just needed you to know that I do have feelings for you before we move any further.”

Alex genuinely wasn’t sure what she expected Lucy to say about the other night but it sure as hell wasn’t _that._

“You _like_ me….like….like like me?”

“Oh my god, you're such a nerd but yes I like like you.”

Alex shakes her head like it just doesn't compute.

So Lucy elaborates “I've kind of had a slight a crush on you from the first moment I saw you in the desert. All black fatigues, hands on your hips…. And it only got worse when I started getting to know you. I mean granted I kind of thought we dating for a hot second there so……”

“Wait, you thought that we- how-what?”

“Alex we went out for drinks,late night motorcycle drives, dinners at new restaurants, museums trips, to the movies. Most of which one us insisted on paying for so the other ‘could get it next time’. We held hands, Alex.”

“I hold hands with Kara all the time.” Alex defends. Her mind spinning with a new light shined on her past interactions with Lucy

“With interlocked fingers?”

“Not usually…”

“I rest my case then.”

“We aren’t in court, counsellor.”

Lucy holds her hands up in surrender. “I’m just saying that it seemed a little like we might’ve been dating and I wouldn’t have minded if had been. I still wouldn’t if I’m being honest.”

“So you’re saying…...you’re saying you wanna date me?”

“I’m saying, that I would by no means object. I mean I know you have feelings for Maggie but…”

“I do- I mean but I think liked-think I like you too. I just why would you want to date me knowing I have feelings for someone else too.”

Lucy shrugs. “Well for starters you said ‘too’ so….. Look she has her…. _reasons.”_ Lucy says face twisted like there’s poison on her tongue. “so I won't badmouth her because I know that you do care about her but she's an idiot for letting you walk away.”

Lucy sees the pain flash in Alex’s eyes, “Technically she followed…... eventually. And I mean we’re friends.” Alex says without very much conviction.

“So are we. And you don't see me running after kissing you.”

“Well last night-

“When we're sober, you don't see me running after kissing you when we’re sober.”

Alex’s eyebrows scrunch together, “You haven’t tried kissing me sober.”

Lucy slides into Alex’s personal space, “May I?”

Alex can’t do anything but nod.

The kiss is everything her last two weren't. She isn't high on euphoria or drunk on tequila.

She’s sober and present and if she thought those other kisses were earth-shattering she has no classification for this one.

Air becomes an issue before either of them intend to pull away.

Alex rests her head on Lucy’s and tries to remember how to speak. “That was...that was _something_.”

“Good?”

“It was definitely that.”

Lucy breaks out into a cocky grin causing Alex to half-heartedly swat at her shoulder.

“So does that mean you might want to give us a try?" Despite Lucy’s earlier bravado Alex feels how carefully Lucy asks the question.

“You mean like actually dating, me and you, us….girlfriends?”

“If you want, I’d really like that.”

“Even though I don’t know if I’ll ever get over Maggie?” Alex doesn’t really care about sounding over-dramatic. It’s only been a few days there shouldn’t be a but and yet Alex can’t imagine these feelings she has for Maggie will magically dissipate even as she’s discovering equally powerful ones for Lucy.

“My philosophy? You miss a hundred percent of the shots you never take.”

“When did you become a walking bumper sticker?”

Lucy ignores the snark. “Look if it doesn’t work out between us, at least we tried.”

“Okay. That, despite being a freakin’ cliche makes sense. This makes sense.”

“So we’re really doing this, then?” Lucy questions, her nose crinkling slightly.

Alex breathes out. “We really are.”

They grin stupidly at each other for an unaccounted for amount of time before Alex jolts back to the present.

“Brunch! Shit!”

Lucy checks her watch, “It’s fine we’ve got like two hours. Plenty of time.”

Alex nods instantly calming, “So you are coming then?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Must you answer every question with a question?”

“I don’t know, must I?”

“I think I’m reconsidering this whole dating you thing, you’re an ass.”

“I do have a great ass, I’m glad to see you performing your girlfriendly duty by appreciating it.”

Alex sighs albeit fondly. “Lane.”

“Of course I wouldn’t miss your first gay brunch, babe.”

Alex stands stock still a thought just occurring to her.

“Oh Rao, Vasquez is never going to let me live this down are they.”

Lucy’s answering cackle was not what Alex wanted to hear.

Brunch is filled with the all the ribbing Alex expected but she hardly notices it. She’s too caught up in her surroundings.

A small bell signals their arrival into the book portion of the shop. Alex sees the cozy stacks winding backwards and only Lucy’s hand in hers keeps her from getting lost in their depths.

There are covers she can see even from a distance, cheesy ones she would usually roll her eyes at but the women embracing make her stomach flip instead.

It’s busy but not overly-crowded and a few people milling about exchange quick hello’s with Vasquez, Erin and even Lucy.

When Alex looks at her questioningly Lucy shrugs, reminding her, “I served most of my career under ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ when it was repealed I could be out so I took advantage.”

There’s a moment after Lucy speaks where Alex can feel the insecurities clawing at her throat.

And then someone blurs past her knocking her from her inner musings as she reaches towards her weapon. Lucy mimics the action but Vasquez’s laughter brings them both up short as they watch the person half tackle Erin in greeting.

Andi, who Alex sort recognizes them from one of the get togethers Vasquez and Erin have thrown, owns the bookstore and their partner Dee, who manages coffee shop portion is the one who convinced them to expand.

The group makes their way down a small set of stairs and through a maze of comfy looking couches and chairs. Alex gazes longingly backwards only placated when Lucy whispers that they can spend some time looking through the books later.

Alex knows she should be trying to be more social but there’s so much to look at. Flags are draped everywhere and she had no earthly idea there were so many of them.

There’s a bulletin board bursting with overlapping, brightly colored scraps of paper. Fliers for meet-ups, and rallies, protests and classes, services and help-wanted,  even a lost pet poster.

The space opens up to a small seating area, with a coffee bar and bakery display case taking up the back wall.

Andi drops them off at a table, lamenting the fact that they have to get back to work. Before they disappear completely they call back over their shoulder, “Are ya’ll coming to trivia night this week? We’ve missed ya!”

“I don’t know if Alex’s ego could stand up to losing but we’ll see.” Vasquez calls back.

Alex doesn’t even hear the jibe with her focus on one of the painting hanging of the wall it’s so realistic that it takes Alex a moment to realize it is in fact a painting. It looks more like a photo snapped at pride based on the background but the three subjects are what captivate Alex. The tallest is carrying one of the other’s on her shoulders with one hand resting securely, intimately on her thigh while her other arm is wrapped around the remaining girl securely tucked into her front. Their smiles are radiant and eyes full of love.

All of the artwork aside from various vintage posters, Erin tells her is commissioned from local queer artists.

Alex’s eye keeps getting drawn back to that particular painting so she’s distracted when she takes her first sip of the coffee that’s been placed in front of her.

That doesn’t last long at all because the only thought in her brain is ‘holy fucking shit’. The audible moan that slips out of her mouth, she defends as totally warranted when the teasing starts.

Because this may just be the best coffee she’s ever had.

She offers up a silent apology to _Peet’s_ at the sentiment. It’s not that she has any plans to give up her vice especially when she’s got her very own kryptonian enabler. This new roast lacks any evocation of the fond memories so closely intertwined with her favorite coffee but parts of her insecurities are melting with the foam and she’s suddenly not nearly as afraid of using this foundation to create some new ones.


	6. Chapter 6

It takes two weeks of being Lucy Lane’s girlfriend for a startled Alex to realize she really was practically dating Lucy before.  
She likes the actual dating better because she gets to touch Lucy whenever she wants. (She tells Lucy this as they're trading kisses on Lucy's desk and relishes in the way Lucy growls her name in response.)

A month later, Alex caves to Kara’s pleading and steps into the alien bar for the first time since her ill fated attempt at getting the girl.  
So of course she runs into Maggie.  
And yeah she’s dating Lucy now. She’d even go so far as to say she’s happy but seeing Maggie still turns her entire world upside down.

She thinks back on her conversation with Erin and says of course we’re friends, trying to channel her friend’s grace but falling short. Maggie doesn’t seem to notice.  
The entire interaction sets Alex’s teeth on edge

Lucy can tell something is wrong when Alex comes over that night but Alex brushes it off. She shoves down the way the whole interaction made her feel and repeats friends in her head.  
But then it isn’t just in her head it’s Kara, and it’s Winn and when Maggie herself tries to cajole information out of her because they’re friends Alex snaps.

She regrets it the second she storms out of the NCPD parking garage and straight to her apartment for a drink.  
Lucy finds her later staring into an untouched glass of whiskey.  
Lucy pours herself one as well and then she sits and she waits. It doesn’t take long in the easy silence for Alex to crack.  
The words come tumbling out about seeing Maggie again, their status as friends, finding out who guardian is and yelling at Maggie at NCPD HQ.

Alex sees the flash in Lucy’s eyes at the mention of Guardian’s identity and even as upset as she is she looks forward to Lucy dealing with _that_.

Lucy focuses on Alex in the moment though, holding her tight, cupping her face and gently drying her tears. She looks deep into her eyes as she says, “Danvers, you’re an idiot.” Before Alex can recoil she continues, “You don’t have to bottle this stuff up. I know we both do it but you can talk me even about Maggie.”

In a surprising turn of events Alex takes Lucy’s words to heart swearing, if only to herself, to make an effort. She’ll only admit it to Erin but talking feels so much better than ignoring or trying to drink away her problems ever had.

The next day Alex gets a text from Winn that he figured out who fake guardian was and James was on his way to confront him and clear his name.

She takes the easy way out and texts Maggie instead of calling her, mildly surprised when the detective actually pulls up in a squad car at the location Alex provided as a pick up.

They don’t really talk but Maggie doesn’t seem mad at her. In fact she seems downright skittish which only serves to fuel Alex’s guilt.

Maggie gets caught up in the case as the first person on the scene and Alex compounds her guilt by slipping away after giving her own statement to another officer.

Kara drags her to game night where Alex quietly alternates between beating herself up and trying to figure out how to apologize to Maggie.  
Only Maggie shows up on her sister’s doorstep, telling her that she cares about her and she can’t imagine her life without Alex in it. And lingering pain or no how is Alex supposed to refuse that.

So she proposes pool for the following night and it’s the first step towards their new normal.

Nights that Lucy works late tend to see Alex meeting up with Maggie.  
She talks freely to Lucy about the time they spend together but she hasn’t been able to tell Maggie that she’s dating Lucy.  
It confuses her, if she’s being honest because her interactions with Maggie while cautious are almost identical to the ones she had back when Lucy thought they were dating but Alex was oblivious.  
She tries to sweep it into the corner of her mind so it doesn’t drive her insane.

Nearly two months into dating and a rogue alien attack levels Lucy’s apartment building. The landlord decides to cut his losses and move back to Gotham instead of rebuilding. Lucy tries to quietly move into her office in the desert base and still maintains she could have gotten away with it if Kara hadn’t shouted it was Lucy’s building she crashed through over the comms.

Alex doesn’t say anything just shows up to the base after Lucy’s shift with a few bags of Lucy’s salvaged possessions and a freshly cut key to her apartment.

Vasquez makes the obligatory U-Haul joke and no one can contain their laughter when Alex sincerely and enthusiastically shouts 'I understood that reference!’ in lieu of punching Vasquez.

The week of Thanksgiving arrives sooner than Alex can wrap her mind around it. Bringing with it a whole new ‘coming out’ to worry about that makes last year's freak-out pale in comparison.  
She’s in such a better place with her mom these days making Alex terrified this latest revelation will torpedo all their progress.  
Lucy has to work Thanksgiving, as does Maggie. Alex hadn’t hesitated (much) to extend invitations to them both.

As Kara confiscates yet another drink mid-sip Alex wonders if facing her mother ‘alone’ is better after all.

It turns out to be a moot point and good idea or not who else can say their drunken coming out was interrupted by an interdimensional tear in the fabric of their universe.

Which is how she finds herself elbow deep in the simulator Winn had dubbed the holodeck as the two of them work through innumerable calculations trying to pinpoint the wormhole phenomena when Mon-el stumbles back from the alien bar.

Everything in Alex screams for her to take off off the second she learns what happened but she manages to stay until she hears the full account and her mother is enroute.

And then she rushes to try and find Maggie.  
Only Maggie is nowhere to be found.  
Alex has no choice but place her search on the back burner as the attack on the alien bar turns out to be part of a full scale extermination attempt of National City’s aliens. It’s all hands on deck as the scramble to find a way to stop CADMUS.

Apparently that doesn’t prevent an impromptu coming out as her mother corners her whilst the computer generates results. Figures her mom already knew and takes it better than she had.  
At least the science keeps her busy. She can’t imagine giving up field work but sometimes she misses the lab something fierce when the disasters keep rolling over. It also mostly focuses her mind away from panicking over where Maggie could possibly be.

It isn’t until she hears Kara, wind rushing over the connection begging her not to freak out that she gets a location on the missing detective.

Alex wouldn’t hesitate to trade not knowing for Maggie bleeding out in her sister’s arms.

She stitches Maggie up and even manages to thank her sincerely for her part in her gay awakening. Still Alex has to use every ounce of learned control to keep from constantly touching Maggie just feel the warmth of her skin assuring Alex she’s alive.

She tries to get Maggie to agree to a night under observation but the detective swears she will walk out of those doors shirt or no, punching if she has to. And Alex isn’t certain who she’s protecting more her fellow agents, Maggie or herself when she acquises handing over an extra flannel from her own locker.

In perhaps, a not so surprising twist it’s Lena Luthor who saves the day bringing the ongoing crisis to an end.

And Alex emotionally spent practically begs Lucy to take off early. Lucy who has spent the last several hours on red alert liaising with the president herself does not need to be asked twice.

Lucy starts stripping the second she hits the threshold to the apartment tossing clothes that Alex makes the valiant effort to pick up.  
“I’m taking a bath, care to join me, agent?”

Alex swallows hard and Lucy laughs at her dumbstruck expression.

“You have to sign those papers first though.” Lucy calls from the doorway to the bathroom.

“You are such a tease, major.” Alex groans but dutifully collects the paperwork Lucy was referring to.

She pours herself a whiskey and brings Lucy a glass of wine. Lucy cackles when Alex bumps into the doorway because she kept one hand over eyes complaining she’d never get anything done if she actually saw Lucy in the tub.

Alex closes the bathroom door behind her in a futile attempt to ward off temptation rather than as a semblance of decency.

She settles down in front of the island intending to make quick work of the signatures. She just about finished when a knock at the door grabs her attention.

It’s Maggie on the other side.

Alex feels like the entire universe is out of synch from the moment she opens the door. It hardly computes that Maggie is in her apartment and the daze doesn’t leave her throughout the entirety of Maggie’s speech.

And then suddenly Maggie is kissing her and it’s everything she dreamed when she took that chance a few months ago.

The kiss is electric and Alex feels like her brain has full out short-circuited as she pulls back trying to make sense of everything.  
“So you’re saying that you like me.”

“I thought that was pretty glaringly obvious, Danvers.” Lucy's voice sounds from behind her, loud in quiet of the apartment.

Maggie jumps back brows furrowed and mouth open in silent apology when she notices Lucy isn't wearing anything but a Stanford shirt that's too big to be her own sticking slightly to her wet skin.

“Fuck, Lucy.” Alex is jolted out of her daze by the sound of her _girlfriend’s_ voice.

Lucy opens her mouth but before she can utter a word Alex snaps, “Not the time, Luce.”

Lucy smirks but “I will concede that point and refrain. This time.”

Maggie observes the banter, connecting the dots and coming up with the last picture she expected when she knocked on Alex’s door tonight.

“I should go, I'm SO sorry. I didn't realize...I never would-I should go.” And Maggie flees before Alex can even attempt to salvage the situation.

Alex follows her to the door on autopilot but Maggie is long gone by the time she reaches it. She slumps against the wall right down to the floor trying to make sense of what the fuck just happened.

Lucy wanders over tips of her hair still dripping water. “You okay?”

“Am I- Lucy I just kissed another woman shouldn't you be I don't know mad or something.” Alex asks incredulously trying to wrap her brain around the fact that she just kissed Maggie. Well Maggie had kissed her first but she absolutely kissed back, she’d say after the initial shock but it hadn’t quite faded yet.

“I mean it was pretty hot.”

“Lucy!” Alex’s voice must be borderline hysterical the way Lucy raises her hands in a placating manner as she adjusts her tone to something more serious.

“Alex we’re together pretty much because she turned you down. You talk about her so much I’m half in love with her...well the half that doesn’t wanna kick her ass for hurting you.”

“So you’re just fine with this.”

“Look Alex I love you and maybe it’s not the right time to say it but-

Alex cuts her off with a bruising kiss.

“I love you, too.” Alex says grinning with a frankly lovesick expression that Lucy would deny is reflected on her own face

“Right anyway mushy stuff aside as I was saying I love you and I knew going into this that if Maggie got her shit together…...look I’m guessing you don’t wanna break up with the whole I love you too thing...but mean there are other options.”

“Like what date both of you?” Alex tilts her head. “I didn’t realize you were into polyamory.”

The stunned look on Lucy’s face draws the first smile out of Alex since Maggie fled.

“Wow Lucy Lane speechless never thought I’d see the day. What would the bar say ?”

“I’m sorry it’s just I didn’t expect that you would-” Alex’s smile fades just as quickly. She makes a beeline for the nearest bottle of liquor as she starts to rant.

“Right of course, poor unworldly naive Alex, too oblivious to notice she was a lesbian for nearly thirty years despite some pretty damning evidence. Alex? Why would she know anything about nonconforming relationships? yea got that thanks.”

“Hey Alex c’mon that isn’t what I meant, here give me that.” Lucy says prying the bottle out of Alex’s hand. “ I can admit I was surprised to hear polyamory come out of you mouth but only because I’ve been here for most of your crash course on queer culture since you’ve come out.”

“I’m sorry apparently it’s still more of a raw nerve than I thought. I mean who knows, if I had figured it out maybe we would’ve gotten together sooner and Maggie wouldn’t even be…”

“Hey, you and I both know that what-if’s will kill you if you let ‘em.” Alex feels Lucy bump her shoulder trying to lighten the mood. “So do I get to know how Alexandra Danvers knows about polyamory? Oh god is it some boring biology thing? Lucy asks taking a dramatic step backwards and putting her hands up as if warding off some invisible evil.

It gets a laugh and a head shake out of Alex.

“No it’s…...you know about how J’onn saved my life. I got really heavy into the party scene in college, I was hardly ever sober, I didn’t think twice about doing party drugs... I did a lot of things I’m far from proud of.”

“We’ve all done things we’re not proud of babe.” Lucy says encouragingly.

Alex takes a breath, memories rushing back.  
“A lot of the girls I hung out around would hook up with each other, to get free drinks or because their boyfriends thought it was hot and according to them it didn’t count so what was the big deal ya know?” Alex shook her head ruefully.

“So I did it too and let me tell you, the mental gymnastics required to make kissing girls reaffirm your heterosexuality is insane in retrospect but it made sense at the time.”

Lucy pours them both whiskey from the confiscated bottle and pushes one over to Alex, picking up but not drinking her own. Alex takes a sip and continues her story.

“The first time one of them leaned in to kiss me I freaked out said I was straight but she just laughed and said ’honey so am I’ and then she pointed to her boyfriend. Most of them were like that, not even bisexual or maybe they were repressing it like me who knows but it was easy to blame the way they made me feel on the alcohol and the drugs and the guys.”

Alex finishes her drink and stares longingly at the bottle but places her glass down sans a refill.

“Anyway I had this boyfriend, real douchebag. I guess hindsight is 20/20, I mean I didn’t like guys and my exceptionally bad taste in men reflected that I guess. Anyway one time when we were sober he told me he wanted to have a threesome or ‘hey the more the merrier’ I think is how he put it with some other girls but I told him no.”

“So you kissed girls but you wouldn’t sleep with them…..and your boyfriend.”

“It was a line I wouldn’t cross which at the time must’ve seemed crazy based off of some of the things I would do but he just kept badgering me about it. I uh went into full on research mode read anything and everything I could find on polyamoury and polysexulaity, websites, perosnal accounts, academic texts, history, eithics you name it. The next time he brought it up I went off on him about ‘actual poly relationships’ being ethical non-monogamy and consent vs. coercion and then I dumped him.”

Lucy couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up at the image of a deeply closeted Alex yelling about healthy poly relationships to a fratbro who just wanted a to sleep with a few hot chicks at once.

Lucy wipes the tears from her eyes getting herself under control, “I’m sorry but that is fantastic. You are a huge nerd and I fucking love you. Now let’s go.”

“Go?” Alex asks blankly.

Lucy grabs the keys off the hook by the door. “Yes go, C’mon we’ve gotta get the girl for real this time.”

“We have to what now?” Alex tries to clarify even as Lucy shoves her out of the apartment and into the elevator.

The elevator doors slide shut and Alex pinches the bridge of her nose.

“I’m in my pajamas Lane, and you aren’t wearing pants.” Lucy looks down as if she’s seriously considering the merit of tracking down Maggie as they are.

“Fine we can change but only because I grabbed bike keys instead of car keys.”

One quick change, a text to Vasquez, a conference call with Vasquez and Erin and an argument about who’s driving that Lucy wins because whiskey and Alex is standing outside of Maggie’s apartment.

There’s a buzzer on the door of the building and Alex is seriously weighing pros and cons of tampering with the electronic lock of a building at least one member of law enforcement resides in.

She’s saved from following through on breaking and entering when she spots an elderly lady juggling some groceries. So Alex steps forward to help out. The lady thanks her but Alex doesn’t miss the suspicious once over she gets nor does Lucy judging by her snort.

The old woman locates her keys and opens the door but blocks the entrance with her foot when Alex tries to follow behind her arms still full of bags.

“Looking for someone in particular missy or just skulking around? We have a cop who lives in the building you know. We don’t hold with no funny business.”

Alex gapes at a complete loss for words but that doesn’t prevent her from turning around to glare at Lucy who’s now doubled over in laughter.

Alex turns her attention back to the woman who seems even more skeptical after their little display.

“Uhm if you’re referring to _Detective_ Sawyer, Maggie that’s actually who I’m here to see.” Despite her secret agent training the thought of lying to the woman never once occurs to Alex.

“A friend hmm.” She says skeptically. “Well then, why didn’t you just say so come on now dearie, you can help me put away my groceries before you head up.” Alex has no choice to follow. Her arms too full to even flip Lucy off as her girlfriend cheerfully waves after them.

It takes upwards of twenty minutes for Alex extricate herself from Mrs. Figueroa's company. Alex is pretty sure she will never get the combined smell of old lady and ferret out of her clothes. Eyeing the few streaks of blood on her arm Alex wonders if it’s even legal to have that many of the furry bastards.

She fixes herself up as much as possible on the short walk up the single flight of stairs that leads to the hallway of Maggie’s apartment.

She pauses outside the door taking a deep breath to center herself. A glance to her left offers a perfect view of the street below which incidentally includes Lucy.

Alex, hands now free flips her off. Lucy blows her a kiss in response.

Alex shakes her head, steps up to Maggie’s door and knocks.

She waits a minute. Then another and knocks again. When that still proves fruitless she pulls out her phone and checks the the link Vasquez sent her.

The results only cause her to knock harder. “Maggie. Come on open up. Maggie I know you're in there, I had Vasquez ping your phone.”

Alex sees a shadow move on the other side of the door but nothing else happens.

“C’mon Maggie. _Please_.”

Alex hears the sigh but Maggie opens the door a crack, “What do you want Alex?” Her voice sounds so tired and features drawn.

Alex has to swallow her own pain just from looking at her.

“I really need to talk to you and I promise if you just give me two minutes of your time I’ll be out of your hair.” Alex states with a familiar grin.

“That’s a low blow Danvers.” Maggie remarks running a hand through her hair but the door opens a bit more as she leans against the jamb. “Does your girl know you're here, Alex?”

The resignation in her voice kills Alex who just steps to the side nodding towards the window. “See for yourself.”

Maggie’s nose scrunches in confusion and Alex swats the little voice in her head that won’t shut up about freakin’ adorable she looks.

Maggie actually pokes her head out of the window only to find Lucy leaning up against Alex’s bike furiously tapping at her phone.

“Uhhh” Is the only noise Maggie manages to make.

Alex moves closer and it brings her into view of the window as well. “You alright, Sawyer?” Alex asks placing her hand on Maggie’s forearm.

Maggie looks over at Lucy, down to Alex’s hand on her arm and the back to Lucy again. This time Lucy is looking back and there’s no mistaking she can spot their position from where she’s standing but before Maggie can pull back Lucy grins and flashes them a thumbs up before returning her attention to her phone.

“Alex, what?” Maggie shakes her head in confusion.

Alex smiles gently, “Do you mind if we take this inside? I don’t know if this is a hallway conversation. I mean it’s fine we can totally have it here I just-”

“Alex, relax, you can come in. Maggie tilts her head questioningly, “Does, uhm Lucy? Wanna…” Maggie makes a gesture towards her apartment.

“Nah she’s fine said something about taking down those yellow bellied shock jocks controlling the gyms around here.”

Alex doesn’t know how Lucy’s hearing could possibly be that good but she chooses that exact moment to shout “Eat dirt you fucking fossil. You’re extinct ‘cause you can’t take a punch.”

Maggie just kind of nods starting towards her apartment before muttering, “Wait a fuckin’minute,” under her breath.She marches back towards the window throwing it even further open . “Yo team angry potato, keep your grubby paws off my gyms. My Tyranitar will _show_ you who's extinct!”

Alex buries her face in her hands as Maggie slams the window shut and marches into her apartment for what Alex hopes isn’t her phone. At least not before they can have the serious discussion she came for.

She hears Lucy yell out, “Death before dishonor! Valor will prevailllll!” right before she closes the apartment door behind her.

Maggie is indeed rapidly tapping her phone when Alex finds her but she puts down immediately with a sheepish grin at the clearing of Alex’s throat.

“Sorry I-

“It’s fine. I know she insulted Rexy.” Alex grins.

The tips of Maggie’s ears turn red, “I do _not_ remember telling you about that.”

“I think it was mostly the scotch talking.” Alex points out trying not to laugh.

“Right. That was a fun night.”

Alex sees Maggie’s dimples come out full force and beams back in response.

“It was.”

“What _are_ you doing here, Alex?” Maggie’s voice is guarded but less tired than the first time she voiced the question.

And if she’s not mistaken Alex detects the faintest trace of hope as well.

“You’re a detective you haven’t figured it out yet?” Alex jokes.

“I think this is the exact kind of situation where things should be very explicitly broken down to avoid any…. _misunderstandings_.”

“Right, that wasn’t- sorry I-”

“You don’t have to apologize just maybe spell it out?”

“I _like_ you Maggie and I didn’t think that you….but tonight...I mean you do like me right? That’s what I got from that... before- and Lucy can be a bit...much but she’s excellent at reading people and-

“Danvers! Alex. Yes. I like you but what about..”

“Lucy?”

“Yeah, I mean she’s your girlfriend, right?”

“She is. I was kind of hoping you might wanna be my girlfriend, too.”

Maggie blinks rapidly, “You mean….to clarify you’re saying you want to date us both?”

“I know it’s not something everyone would be interested in but a very special pain in my ass once said ‘If it doesn’t work out at least we tried’ so I figured taking a chance couldn’t hurt.

Maggie nods, eyes focused intensely in a way Alex has come to learn means she’s completely absorbed in the information she’s just been given.

“So how exactly do you want this to play out. Is Lucy your primary? Or were you looking for us to be a triad? You used the terms girlfriend and dating so this isn’t just about sex? are you guys open to other sexual partners? What rules do you guys have in place with regards to intimacy with other people? Do-”

“Mags woha. So I guess you definitely don’t need a crash course on polyamory then.”

Maggie tilts her head. “Have you guys talked about _any_ of this before racing over here?” Maggie asks a bit skeptically.

Alex shrugs, “Lucy knew about my feelings for you when we got together. I didn’t know her opinions on poly relationships until earlier today. We talked about it after you left.”

“So you’ve never done this before?”

Alex can practically see Maggie’s walls rising.

“No. You do _not_ get to do this again. If you aren’t interested in me or in a non-monogamous relationship that’s _fine_. But you do not get to write me off like I’m some kind of….indecisive child because I’ve ‘never done this before’. A few months ago I thought I was straight. I wasn’t really interested or capable of maintaining a relationship with _one_ person but I’m here talking to you like an adult who knows what she wants and you do _not_ get to treat me like anything else because you’re scared or you’ve been burned before or whatever your reasons are!”

Maggie ducks her head. “You’re right, Alex. I’m sorry. I’m...I’m listening.”

Alex takes deep even breaths to calm herself. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to yell. I get it now, you know? Why you turned me down when I first came out. I don’t know that I fully agree with but I understand. This time though…”

“I was the ass?”

“I wouldn’t go quite that far, you were being defensive which makes sense but open communication is the only way this could work.”

“Which means listening and hearing and less jumping the gun.”

“That would be nice. So to answer a few of your questions neither Lucy nor I are interested in any sort of hierarchical relationship. Everyone is equal. And I figure right now, you like me and Lucy likes me and I like both of you but you and Lucy don’t actually know each other so it makes sense that I’d be the hinge to start but who knows maybe you two will hit it off-”

“I don’t know.” Maggie smirks, “She is team Valor.”

Alex rolls her eyes and Maggie segues right into more questions.  
“So would it be an open relationship? Like are you two interested in dating other people? Could I?”

“To be honest it’s not something Lucy and I have discussed and we’ll have to. Personally I don’t see myself wanting to date anyone else but then I never imagined falling for either of you so...and on that note I figure it’d be pretty hypocritical of me to try a make it a rule neither of you could see anyone else if you were inclined to.”

“So rules are a thing we have to discuss at length then? Clear up any confusion before it starts.” Maggie nods.

“Yeah that-wait does that mean- are you-

Maggie leans really close and her proximity steals the words from Alex’s mouth.

“Can I kiss you?”

Alex closes distance and Maggie melts into the kiss.

“Valor is victorious! Take that you static hacks!” Maggie pulls back glancing out the window her hand twitching towards her phone.

“She’s….loud.” Maggie drawls.

Alex smirks, “You have no idea.”

Maggie can’t help but grin, “I know a really great little Indian place. What would you say to me taking you both out to dinner while we discuss ground rules.?”

Alex presses a kiss to Maggie’s cheek. “That sounds amazing.”

“Alright I just have to change.” Maggie says gesturing to her sweats. “Meet you downstairs?”

“You’re just kicking me out because you wanna take back your gyms.”

Maggie pulls her in for a lingering kiss. “You can’t prove that.” She grins unrepentantly.

“I’ll …..distract Lucy.” Alex offers with a look that makes Maggie’s temperature rise. “but make it quick victory or you might have to haul us into the station for indecent exposure.” Alex winks as she saunters out of Maggie’s apartment chuckling when she hears Maggie’s phone hit the floor.

**Author's Note:**

> Go show some love to [skillwiththequill](http://skillwiththequill.tumblr.com//) whose endless patience helped me actually finish this on time. If you ask, Lys will happily tell war stories of my inability to write short one-shots, stay in pov or use chapters without being forced.
> 
> Various parts of this were adapted from conversations, posts and hc's between nerdsbianhokie and myself so they get a lot of the credit.
> 
> Writing this made me feel old for the singluar reason that I have not seen a single toaster joke since sanvers became a thing....
> 
> [change-the-rules](http://change-the-rules.tumblr.com/) is me but apparetnly not a good enough excuse to ignore the conventions of English writing...sorry again Lys! but bless you


End file.
